Reflecting on Psalm 55: Betrayal
update: Not exactly coincidentally, Tim Borseth gave a message on Psalm 55 at Stonebrook Community Church. Check it out.
(At Stonebrook Community Church, we have been doing a series on The Psalms. Last week I posted a reflection on Psalm 137, and “Spiritual Exhaling” at RockWorship.com. This article is a continuation on that thought, helping me to process the Psalm and the example David gives us in it. It is also posted at Rockworship.com -Matt)
Your wife of twenty-five years leaves you for another man. Your company, which you built with your blood, sweat, and tears, fires you. Your most trusted friends turn on you and admit they had been playing with you, the secret brunt of a cruel several year joke. Your king, surrogate father, and trusted confidante “turns to the dark side” and sets out to kill you. Your son tries to kill you, sleeps with your wife, takes your kingdom, defames your name, tries to blot out your existence. Your disciple, with whom you have shared the most precious secrets any human being has ever known, kisses you…
Betrayal. The worst feeling a human can endure. It is the reason trust is such a dangerous thing. Betrayal leaves us naked, exposed, vulnerable, utterly unhinged and disoriented. One’s perception of reality has just been ripped to shreds. Things you knew you knew for sure; one of the few things you would bank on; something you knew you could count on when all else fails; worse someone you knew you could count on when all else fails changes completely. Ripping your heart out, and with it your stomach, guts, and breath; tearing a whole in the very fabric of your soul.
Betrayal. The worst curse word known to man.
This is exactly what David is feeling in Psalm 55.
v.4-5 “My heart is in ANGUISH within me; the TERRORS OF DEATH have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me, and HORROR overwhelms me.”
Some say he’s writing about Saul, others Absalom. It really doesn’t matter. We’ve probably felt this.
There have been two times in my life when I wanted to end someone’s life; as in literally, I knew where they were, where a weapon was, and started the plot to connect the two. One of these times was catching a girlfriend cheating on me with a friend. Sure, I was the worse offender at the time. Sure, it was an immoral relationship that I was better off without, and this was a turning point in God calling me back to him, but it hurt. The lies, avoidance, concealment… a several month long relationship that I discovered when I found a few inconsistencies in stories, and discovered evidence of the presence of another male in her bedroom. I wanted to kill him. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with her…
v.12-14 “For it is not an enemy that taunts me – then I could bear it. It is not an adversary who deals insolently with me – then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my yada (intimate, familiar, known, certain – friend) We used to take sweet counsel together; within God’s house we walked in the throng.”
But as much as I know the pain of betrayal, I don’t know that I can fully grasp the depth of David’s suffering here. However, my betrayal left me completely empty not knowing where to turn, or how to handle it. It left me, for the first time in my life, suicidal. David, on the other hand, knew exactly how to respond.
Psalm 55
“Give ear to my prayer, O God, and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy! Attend to me and answer me!”
He directs his pain upwards, spews his anger, pain, frustration, at the one who can take it, and the one who can do something about it. He demands an answer, and he is going to stay here until he gets one.
“I am restless in my complaint and I moan, because of the noise of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked.
For they drop trouble upon me, and in anger they bear a grudge against me.”
He tells God what is going on, why he is moaning. Does God already know this? Sure, of course he does, but he wants us to tell him, to present our requests with supplication (and prayer and thanksgiving, see Phil. 4). David does this, providing an excellent model for us.
“My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me.”
Wow, David, tell us how you really feel. There are some powerful words here: anguish, terror, horror. How often do we let ourselves feel this? How often do we admit to God that we are feeling this?
“And I say, ‘Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness;
Selah
I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest.’”
David is expressing his desire here. Perhaps supplication? What does he want to do? Flee! Flee far away! pause for reflection Yup, definitely want to get out of here. One could call this David’s “fleshly” reaction to the situation. Perhaps a better label would be his honest reaction: run as far away as you can. Be honest with God about what you want.
“Destroy, O Lord, divide their tongues; for I see violence and strife in the city. Day and night they go around it on its walls, and iniquity and trouble are within it; ruin is in its midst; oppression and fraud do not depart from its marketplace.”
‘And while I’m fleeing to the wilderness, why don’t you go ahead and wipe them out for me? After all, they are evil. Really there’s nothing worth saving about the entire city…’
“For it is not an enemy who taunts me — then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me — then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. We used to take sweet counsel together; within God’s house we walked in the throng.”
Digging deeper and deeper now. His emotion is intensifying, his terror, anguish, and disorientation boiling to focused anger… “How dare you…”. A weeping, sorrowful, righteous anger.
“Let death steal over them; let them go down to Hell alive; for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart.”
Get it all out now… hours, maybe days, of tears, anger, yelling…
eyes are dry, no tears left to cry… salty streaks stream down his cheeks… a exhausted, trembling sigh…
I imagine that there were several hours of worn out silence between that verse and the next. No quick, easy fix here. This is spiritual catharsis at it’s finest.
Beating the sky until your hands bleed. Screaming for vengeance until you can’t see.
“But I call to God, and the Lord will save me.”
A turning point… David is reminded of reality.
“Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice.
He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage, for many are arrayed against me.
God will give ear and humble them, he who is enthroned from of old,
Selah
because they do not change and do not fear God.”
David changes his tune. Now he is bearing witness, giving his testimony. No longer spewing vitriol, hate, anger, frustration. David is testifying to God’s faithfulness; something David has experienced in ample quantity. David recounts the past, when God redeemed him in safety, delivered him in battle. He remembers the truth that God will humble those who do not fear Him. He asserts the truth that God will save him, will listen to him.
“My companion stretched out his hand against his friends; he violated his covenant. His speech was smooth as butter, yet war was in his heart; his words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn swords.”
David is now calm enough, secure enough in the peace God has just given him, that we are able to get some of the story, what the heck was going on here?
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved. But you, O God, will cast them down into the pit of destruction; men of blood and treachery shall not live out half their days.
But I will trust in you.”
Though it reads in just 5 minutes, my guess is that this took David hours, maybe days to process. It is a complete picture of “spiritual breathing” from exhaling pain, frustration, vitriol (my new favorite word); to inhaling truth, praise, and the peace the God brings when you present your requests to him with prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving.
